Facts #3

I've just ended a 6 year relationship that was a pretty big deal and surprisingly, I've yet to fall to emotional pieces. I've realised that I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. Festivals are basically my favourite thing ever. 'Parachutes' - Charlie Simpson is my current song obsession and I have a really big crush on him right now. I'm worried I'm not a good enough 18 year old; I don't like clubbing, unless I'm with my best girls, I hate really loud music and the idea of hooking up with somebody on a dancefloor makes me cringe. I've just admitted the one thing I swore would never come out of my mouth. Wine, cigarettes and Cadbury's Twirl Bites are my current obsessions. I'm going to go to bed and cry to songs about love...(I might be joking).

Today has been a bit of a weird one, if I'm honest with you. The picture above says it all.
Some days, I just want to grab my purse, iPod, phone (and charger) and a picture of this small, but beautiful, town and hop on a train and never come back. I don't feel settled here, I feel like I'm waiting for something BIG to happen...but I've been waiting for that for the past 7 years.

Happy posts will resume tomorrow, I just had to let it be known that I have emotions and despite people thinking I'm a robot/cyborg type, I am human. Kind of.

Even the strong need someone to tell them it's all right.

When bad news gets delivered to my door, I eat. I eat anything that isn't nailed down and God help it if it looks as though it can be eaten with either chocolate sauce or custard. Over the past few weeks, bad news has been a regular visitor and with that, my trips to the shop to buy calorie laden foods have become more and more frequent.

However, after stepping on the scales and realising that perhaps the 3rd batch of triple chocolate brownies went straight to my thighs, instead of my heart, I knew that when bad news knocked this weekend, the confectionery aisle of my local supermarket was not the place to find my solace.

So instead of reaching for yet another tub of ice-cream, I reached for my phone. I, stupidly, tweeted about the bad news and luckily for me, I'm followed by some absolute diamonds because within seconds, I had DMs, tweets and texts asking what was wrong.

Now, I try to not take my friend's (or followers) for granted, as I don't think that's healthy, but something about the amount of love sent my way last night made me realise that I really am incredibly lucky to have such wonderful people acting as my safety net.

In honour of my "safety net", I've set out on this blog post. I'm absolutely shocking with emotions/feelings and the thought of openly telling somebody just how much they mean to me gives me the heebie-jeebies which is why I rarely do it. However, I just thought a quick, soppy blog post could sum up what I'm unable to do without making myself sick from too much toe-curling cheese:

To my wonderful safety net, thank you for making me fearless of falling. I know I'll be alright as long as I have you to catch me. I'm not scared when you're around xxx

Let me just clear this up: I LOVE MEN. I'm a big fan of their delicious smelling aftershaves, the way they're usually taller than me and their ability to transport me from reality to fantasy within a blink of an eye. I'd love to say that the latter is some sort of sexual reference, but fortunately for you guys (unfortunately for me), it isn't. What I'm talking about is something that sparked off a very interesting conversation with one of my best girlfriend's and what's left me feeling a little disheartened.

Earlier today, I sat down with Kath and like it does between most 18+ year old's, the conversation quickly turned to the opposite sex. We spoke about being swept off our feet, the butterflies you get when you meet somebody you can't imagine living without (and the caterpillars that come when you meet somebody you'd rather live without) and the words, the promises, the "I can't live without you" and "you're so perfect for me". We shamelessly admitted that we've both fallen for all of the things mentioned above and we both cringed when we realised that we'd both been taken for absolute mugs. "I can't live without you" - really? Where are you now then?
Don't get me wrong, I realise I'm 18 and the last thing I expect is a full blown romance, but I sort of expected these things to last until I'm at least dressed.

This conversation not only made me realise I should probably re-consider who I believe after a glass (or 4) of wine, but that I'm not the only one to fall for such words. I've watched every episode of Sex and the City and I've seen those 4 women bitch about men and their incapabilities until they're blue in the face but it never occured to me that I'd be in the same boat as them.
My Mum definitely didn't warn me that one day, I'd fall for somebody telling me I was their everything. Not going to lie, I don't think she thought it'd ever happen, she's seen me in the morning, and I don't think anything can ease the pain of realising you've fallen for a lie. I mean, carrying around that kind of title is lovely - imagine introducing yourself to people as "Hi, I'm Vicky and I'm XXX's everything" - but when you realise that besides you, this dude also has a fiancee and 2 kids..."everything" starts to lose it's meaning.

It took about 20 minutes of Kath using calming words, 2 cups of very strong tea and lots of chocolate to stop me from hysterically crying; not because I realised that I'd fallen for the most common lie (Kath and I googled it) but because how would I know who and what to trust in the future?

Men say that women are emotional, clingy and hormonal but have they ever stopped to think that maybe, it's because of them that we can be like that? I'm not trying to generalise or tarnish every fella with the same brush, because I realise that there are some lovely ones out there and I apologise to every single one of my ex's who brought me nothing but happiness, but I swear on John Lennon's grave that if I receive another text saying "PMT?" from a guy, I will happily throw my phone in their face.

I'm not expecting every lovely word somebody says to me to be a promise, heck I'm not even expecting these words to be said. But if they are going to be uttered, I beg that the promises last longer than the time it takes for you to rip my clothes off.

Please don't judge me on my music taste, I'm emotional and drunk...

Yesterday was E-M-O-T-I-O-N-A-L, to say the least. I said a proper 'it's not goodbye, it's just I'll see you later' too a group of friend's disappearing off to University and while it was a really lovely day, I can't help but get upset. As listed in one of my previous blogs, I'm actually really proud of them all for getting into Uni but something about yesterday made their plans seem so much more final.

We spent the day eating (it's one of my favourite past-times), watching really rubbish films, singing our hearts out to cringey songs and drinking (because, now we're all 18, we feel it's necessary to whip our IDs out at any given moment). It was just one of those days where no matter who you bump into or what you look like, you're determined to have a good day. And a good day was definitely had.

But right now, I'm a bit lost. The majority of my friend's are now scattered around the country, I'm applying for every single job that I find advertised (I may or may not be exaggerating here...) and this town, which once felt small and suffocating, now feels huge and lonely. So when I got home last night, I did what most 18 year old girl's do when they need a comforting word; I switched on my iPod, plugged in my headphones, shut my curtains and fell asleep listening to one heck of a playlist. I woke up with it still playing and for some reason, I felt like I needed to share it with you guys...so, here's my "I-miss-my-friends-and-I'm-an-emotional-drunk" playlist, hope you enjoy:

Flaws - Bastille. This song holds possibly my favourite lyrics right now "when all of your flaws and all my flaws are laid out one by one, the wonderful part of the mess that we've made is that we pick ourselves undone."
Stay - Hurts. I re-discovered this song whilst watching 'Made in Chelsea' and I haven't been able to shake it from my head. It's got the right amount of emotion and just the right balance of cheesy lyrics you can sing your heart out too.
Lego House - Ed Sheeran. Ok, I'll admit it. I fancy Ed Sheeran. I'm not even ashamed. For this reason alone, this song is now one of my favourites, because in my head, Ed is singing it to me.
Hiding My Heart Away - Adele. I know it's a cover, but every emotional playlist HAS to have some Adele in, right?
Making Pies - Patty Griffin. The lyrics are just explaining this woman's favourite memories and it felt quite fitting given yesterday, but although it's definitely an acquired taste, it's such a good song. It makes me want to pick apples and start rolling out pastry...I don't get that feeling often!
RE: Stacks - Bon Iver. Ah, Bon Iver is a God in my eyes, so it was necessary to have one of his songs playing last night. I don't know what it is about this song that I love but it's just so haunting.
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman. This song reminds me of my 18th birthday (I don't remember a lot from that night either...) because I can just see a handful of my best friends, my family and other close friends all singing along to this. One of my favourite memories.

I guess that's about it, my emotional playlist is over. I know it's only short but it was midnight when I made it and the alcohol induced hyperactivity was quickly turning into tiredness. What I'm left wondering though is if I'm the only person crazy enough to find playlists like the one above quite cathartic? Do you guys have a favourite song that makes you feel 100x better in seconds? Let me know, 'cause I'd love to know which songs do it for you and why.

I hope you have all wonderful weekends, xxx

If this isn't an excuse to crack out the champagne, I don't know what is...

I'm not going to lie, I'm currently filled with a mixture of feelings that I can't quite explain. I've just been given my very first blog award and whilst I'm stupidly grateful, I'm also a bit shocked because I didn't actually realise anybody read my ramblings. The fact that there are a handful of crazy people out there willing to sit and read my blog fills me with huge amounts of joy, so thank you thank you thank you, you wonderful people.

The award I've received is the 'Tell Me About Yourself - Your Blog Is Great' award and although, it was given to me by a very close friend, I'd still like to believe it was kind of true...so, please let me just revel in this very self absorbed moment. It won't happen again, I promise.
I'd like to say a very big thank you to Kathy over at Geek marries Chic for awarding me with this and just a quick note to say I'll be round your's with the celebratory Dominoes and chocolate later xxx

The rules:
1) Thank and link back to the person who awarded you
2) Write 7 random things about yourself
3) Spread the love to 15 other bloggers

7 things about me:

1) I'm a serial "song-repeater" and I'll happily accept my crime. I become obsessed with a song every couple of weeks and refuse to play anything else until my ears are screaming at me to stop and I know every single lyric of the song in question.

2) I'd rather go to a music festival than go abroad. Wait, I know this is crazy and before you write me off as a looney tune, let me explain...every year for the past 3 years, I've gone to V Festival with a group of 20+ other crazies (this group includes my best friend of 16 years and the majority of her family (my 2nd family), other close friends and usually, a few randomers we pick up along the journey) and I've always had the best time of my life. There's nothing more exhilirating than standing on the barrier for your favourite band/singer, screaming along to your favourite song with a beer in your hand.

3) As mentioned above, I've known my best friend for 16 years. We see each other once every 2 months usually and we spend days catching up on Gilmore Girls, watching Foo Fighters documentaries and reminiscing about old times. I'll never forgive her for putting her foot in my face (I HATE feet) or breaking my favourite necklace at the age of 7, but she is definitely my missing puzzle piece.

She'll hate me for this ;)

4) Writing is probably my one and only passion in life, it's that simple. I feel on top of the world when I have a pen in hand and a pretty notebook to write in. I've wanted to turn this passion into a career for quite some time and I don't know if this makes me sad or very lucky because I've always known what I wanted to do.

5) I'm a really bad girl (not that in THAT sense!). Don't get me wrong, I love make-up and pretty things but I'm really bad with emotions and stereotypical 'girl' things. I don't like experimenting with my hair, unless I'm dying it green, orange, pink, red, purple...the list goes on, and my idea of hell is shopping. I don't even own a pair of hair straighteners...eeek.

6) I was lucky enough to meet my absolute hero through Twitter: Carrie Lloyd is my idol. If you have Twitter, I suggest you follow her because on a regular basis she inspires me to be brave, to push personal boundaries and to follow my dreams. She's also a Patron for an organisation called Big Pink Heart, for which she blogs for.

7) I've been told I have an old head on a young body. I love nothing more than a night-in with a cup of tea, a documentary on music in the 60s and a picture of John Lennon to stare at.

I've just read through my random facts and I realise what an absolute nut-case I sound. However, that's me ;) and this is now my list of bloggers, which I think you'll love:

Big Pink Hearts over at Big Pink Heart
Gracie over at I'm going nowhere and I'm going to take my time
Kath over at Geek marries Chic
Rachel over at No Social Boundaries
Ellie over at I Like Ginger Biscuits

(Ok, I don't know 15 bloggers because I am so new to this, but there's my top 5...sorry if I've broken the rules, but some rules are there to be broken.)

I'll let you in on a little secret:

I've spent the day desperately searching for job vacancies, apprenticeships, internships etc...anything that'll propel me into the 'real' world. I haven't got a clue what I'm supposed to be doing with my life right now and that's quite disturbing. I'm so used to having plans and options, it's actually really strange not knowing what to do with myself.