When bad news gets delivered to my door, I eat. I eat anything that isn't nailed down and God help it if it looks as though it can be eaten with either chocolate sauce or custard. Over the past few weeks, bad news has been a regular visitor and with that, my trips to the shop to buy calorie laden foods have become more and more frequent.
However, after stepping on the scales and realising that perhaps the 3rd batch of triple chocolate brownies went straight to my thighs, instead of my heart, I knew that when bad news knocked this weekend, the confectionery aisle of my local supermarket was not the place to find my solace.
So instead of reaching for yet another tub of ice-cream, I reached for my phone. I, stupidly, tweeted about the bad news and luckily for me, I'm followed by some absolute diamonds because within seconds, I had DMs, tweets and texts asking what was wrong.
Now, I try to not take my friend's (or followers) for granted, as I don't think that's healthy, but something about the amount of love sent my way last night made me realise that I really am incredibly lucky to have such wonderful people acting as my safety net.
In honour of my "safety net", I've set out on this blog post. I'm absolutely shocking with emotions/feelings and the thought of openly telling somebody just how much they mean to me gives me the heebie-jeebies which is why I rarely do it. However, I just thought a quick, soppy blog post could sum up what I'm unable to do without making myself sick from too much toe-curling cheese:
To my wonderful safety net, thank you for making me fearless of falling. I know I'll be alright as long as I have you to catch me. I'm not scared when you're around xxx
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Let me just clear this up: I LOVE MEN. I'm a big fan of their delicious smelling aftershaves, the way they're usually taller than me and their ability to transport me from reality to fantasy within a blink of an eye. I'd love to say that the latter is some sort of sexual reference, but fortunately for you guys (unfortunately for me), it isn't. What I'm talking about is something that sparked off a very interesting conversation with one of my best girlfriend's and what's left me feeling a little disheartened.
Earlier today, I sat down with Kath and like it does between most 18+ year old's, the conversation quickly turned to the opposite sex. We spoke about being swept off our feet, the butterflies you get when you meet somebody you can't imagine living without (and the caterpillars that come when you meet somebody you'd rather live without) and the words, the promises, the "I can't live without you" and "you're so perfect for me". We shamelessly admitted that we've both fallen for all of the things mentioned above and we both cringed when we realised that we'd both been taken for absolute mugs. "I can't live without you" - really? Where are you now then?
Don't get me wrong, I realise I'm 18 and the last thing I expect is a full blown romance, but I sort of expected these things to last until I'm at least dressed.
This conversation not only made me realise I should probably re-consider who I believe after a glass (or 4) of wine, but that I'm not the only one to fall for such words. I've watched every episode of Sex and the City and I've seen those 4 women bitch about men and their incapabilities until they're blue in the face but it never occured to me that I'd be in the same boat as them.
My Mum definitely didn't warn me that one day, I'd fall for somebody telling me I was their everything. Not going to lie, I don't think she thought it'd ever happen, she's seen me in the morning, and I don't think anything can ease the pain of realising you've fallen for a lie. I mean, carrying around that kind of title is lovely - imagine introducing yourself to people as "Hi, I'm Vicky and I'm XXX's everything" - but when you realise that besides you, this dude also has a fiancee and 2 kids..."everything" starts to lose it's meaning.
It took about 20 minutes of Kath using calming words, 2 cups of very strong tea and lots of chocolate to stop me from hysterically crying; not because I realised that I'd fallen for the most common lie (Kath and I googled it) but because how would I know who and what to trust in the future?
Men say that women are emotional, clingy and hormonal but have they ever stopped to think that maybe, it's because of them that we can be like that? I'm not trying to generalise or tarnish every fella with the same brush, because I realise that there are some lovely ones out there and I apologise to every single one of my ex's who brought me nothing but happiness, but I swear on John Lennon's grave that if I receive another text saying "PMT?" from a guy, I will happily throw my phone in their face.
I'm not expecting every lovely word somebody says to me to be a promise, heck I'm not even expecting these words to be said. But if they are going to be uttered, I beg that the promises last longer than the time it takes for you to rip my clothes off.
Yesterday was E-M-O-T-I-O-N-A-L, to say the least. I said a proper 'it's not goodbye, it's just I'll see you later' too a group of friend's disappearing off to University and while it was a really lovely day, I can't help but get upset. As listed in one of my previous blogs, I'm actually really proud of them all for getting into Uni but something about yesterday made their plans seem so much more final.
We spent the day eating (it's one of my favourite past-times), watching really rubbish films, singing our hearts out to cringey songs and drinking (because, now we're all 18, we feel it's necessary to whip our IDs out at any given moment). It was just one of those days where no matter who you bump into or what you look like, you're determined to have a good day. And a good day was definitely had.
But right now, I'm a bit lost. The majority of my friend's are now scattered around the country, I'm applying for every single job that I find advertised (I may or may not be exaggerating here...) and this town, which once felt small and suffocating, now feels huge and lonely. So when I got home last night, I did what most 18 year old girl's do when they need a comforting word; I switched on my iPod, plugged in my headphones, shut my curtains and fell asleep listening to one heck of a playlist. I woke up with it still playing and for some reason, I felt like I needed to share it with you guys...so, here's my "I-miss-my-friends-and-I'm-an-emotional-drunk" playlist, hope you enjoy:
Flaws - Bastille. This song holds possibly my favourite lyrics right now "when all of your flaws and all my flaws are laid out one by one, the wonderful part of the mess that we've made is that we pick ourselves undone." Stay - Hurts. I re-discovered this song whilst watching 'Made in Chelsea' and I haven't been able to shake it from my head. It's got the right amount of emotion and just the right balance of cheesy lyrics you can sing your heart out too. Lego House - Ed Sheeran. Ok, I'll admit it. I fancy Ed Sheeran. I'm not even ashamed. For this reason alone, this song is now one of my favourites, because in my head, Ed is singing it to me. Hiding My Heart Away - Adele. I know it's a cover, but every emotional playlist HAS to have some Adele in, right? Making Pies - Patty Griffin. The lyrics are just explaining this woman's favourite memories and it felt quite fitting given yesterday, but although it's definitely an acquired taste, it's such a good song. It makes me want to pick apples and start rolling out pastry...I don't get that feeling often! RE: Stacks - Bon Iver. Ah, Bon Iver is a God in my eyes, so it was necessary to have one of his songs playing last night. I don't know what it is about this song that I love but it's just so haunting. Fast Car - Tracy Chapman. This song reminds me of my 18th birthday (I don't remember a lot from that night either...) because I can just see a handful of my best friends, my family and other close friends all singing along to this. One of my favourite memories.
I guess that's about it, my emotional playlist is over. I know it's only short but it was midnight when I made it and the alcohol induced hyperactivity was quickly turning into tiredness. What I'm left wondering though is if I'm the only person crazy enough to find playlists like the one above quite cathartic? Do you guys have a favourite song that makes you feel 100x better in seconds? Let me know, 'cause I'd love to know which songs do it for you and why.
I'm not going to lie, I'm currently filled with a mixture of feelings that I can't quite explain. I've just been given my very first blog award and whilst I'm stupidly grateful, I'm also a bit shocked because I didn't actually realise anybody read my ramblings. The fact that there are a handful of crazy people out there willing to sit and read my blog fills me with huge amounts of joy, so thank you thank you thank you, you wonderful people.
The award I've received is the 'Tell Me About Yourself - Your Blog Is Great' award and although, it was given to me by a very close friend, I'd still like to believe it was kind of true...so, please let me just revel in this very self absorbed moment. It won't happen again, I promise.
I'd like to say a very big thank you to Kathy over at Geek marries Chic for awarding me with this and just a quick note to say I'll be round your's with the celebratory Dominoes and chocolate later xxx
The rules:
1) Thank and link back to the person who awarded you
2) Write 7 random things about yourself
3) Spread the love to 15 other bloggers
7 things about me:
1) I'm a serial "song-repeater" and I'll happily accept my crime. I become obsessed with a song every couple of weeks and refuse to play anything else until my ears are screaming at me to stop and I know every single lyric of the song in question.
2) I'd rather go to a music festival than go abroad. Wait, I know this is crazy and before you write me off as a looney tune, let me explain...every year for the past 3 years, I've gone to V Festival with a group of 20+ other crazies (this group includes my best friend of 16 years and the majority of her family (my 2nd family), other close friends and usually, a few randomers we pick up along the journey) and I've always had the best time of my life. There's nothing more exhilirating than standing on the barrier for your favourite band/singer, screaming along to your favourite song with a beer in your hand.
3) As mentioned above, I've known my best friend for 16 years. We see each other once every 2 months usually and we spend days catching up on Gilmore Girls, watching Foo Fighters documentaries and reminiscing about old times. I'll never forgive her for putting her foot in my face (I HATE feet) or breaking my favourite necklace at the age of 7, but she is definitely my missing puzzle piece.
She'll hate me for this ;)
4) Writing is probably my one and only passion in life, it's that simple. I feel on top of the world when I have a pen in hand and a pretty notebook to write in. I've wanted to turn this passion into a career for quite some time and I don't know if this makes me sad or very lucky because I've always known what I wanted to do.
5) I'm a really bad girl (not that in THAT sense!). Don't get me wrong, I love make-up and pretty things but I'm really bad with emotions and stereotypical 'girl' things. I don't like experimenting with my hair, unless I'm dying it green, orange, pink, red, purple...the list goes on, and my idea of hell is shopping. I don't even own a pair of hair straighteners...eeek.
6) I was lucky enough to meet my absolute hero through Twitter: Carrie Lloyd is my idol. If you have Twitter, I suggest you follow her because on a regular basis she inspires me to be brave, to push personal boundaries and to follow my dreams. She's also a Patron for an organisation called Big Pink Heart, for which she blogs for.
7) I've been told I have an old head on a young body. I love nothing more than a night-in with a cup of tea, a documentary on music in the 60s and a picture of John Lennon to stare at.
I've just read through my random facts and I realise what an absolute nut-case I sound. However, that's me ;) and this is now my list of bloggers, which I think you'll love:
(Ok, I don't know 15 bloggers because I am so new to this, but there's my top 5...sorry if I've broken the rules, but some rules are there to be broken.)
I've spent the day desperately searching for job vacancies, apprenticeships, internships etc...anything that'll propel me into the 'real' world. I haven't got a clue what I'm supposed to be doing with my life right now and that's quite disturbing. I'm so used to having plans and options, it's actually really strange not knowing what to do with myself.
I wore extensions for the first time ever on Friday. I'm in love with Ed Sheeran's album, still. I hate the taste of beer. I love partying in London. The majority of my friend's have all left for University and I refuse to even acknowledge it because I know I will cry like a massive girl. Burying my head in the sand is a favourite past time of mine. I've decided I'm going to put everything into writing as a career, it's all or nothing. Today is the last day I'll feel full for a week as I'm going to attempt the MasterCleanser. I love night buses. I hope everybody is having a lovely Sunday :) xx
"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...there is something you must remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." - Winnie the Pooh.
When I first moved from London to my little coastal town, I was beside myself with worry.
In London, I had a secure friendship unit, I'd had the same best friend since I was 2 and I knew my weekends would be spent sat in the attic in a close friend's house, playing Mario Party 4 on the GameCube or having water fights with 5 other close friends. As an 11 year old, I thought I was sorted for life. That was until I moved 64 miles away.
My first weekend in this town was spent attempting to teach my dog how to bark the tune of 'Babycakes' - 3 of a Kind (it was number 1 during the month we moved, don't judge me) and my Mum tells me that I cried myself to sleep every night for a good month. I'm pretty sure she's lying though (she is definitely not lying).
I thought I had lost everything until I met the wonderful people this blog post is about. Suddenly, I had friends, I was being invited to places and my weekends were no longer spent following my parent's round the supermarket. Don't get me wrong, this didn't happen overnight. Trust me, I was never 'cool' (on my first day at my new school, I smashed myself in the face and knocked my glasses off whilst introducing myself) and I had a 'funny' accent. I was never the sort of person to have a queue of people begging to be my friend but eventually, a group of people stupid enough to think I was sort of funny took me under their wings and for that, I will always be grateful.
7 years on, having got through school and college coming out slightly frayed, battered and bruised, it's safe to say that the majority of us are still friends. Maybe not the best of friend's, but we're all civil and polite to each other. We're old enough now to look past silly mistakes and pathetic arguments to realise we went through a lot together. Friendship groups changed, people moved away and we all 'grew up'. It's now time to make the all important decisions that come with being an adult (well, 18...I mean, we might be able to vote but we're hardly 'grown ups').
Some of us are off to University, other's are looking for full time work and a couple of us are still at college. Regardless of our situations, we're all moving onto bigger and better things. We have choices that weren't avaliable without A Level results and we're all ready to mark our place in this crazy world.
2 days ago, I spent the day with 3 friends as a sort of 'final day' before we all go our seperate ways. We got tattoos, piercings and spent the night watching rubbish films and laughing about past years. It got me thinking that although we're moving on, it doesn't necessarily mean we have to move away from each other. Yes, friendship isn't forever, but sometimes you're just not strong enough to say goodbye.
I'm rubbish with goodbyes which is why I'm writing this; it's my 'ode' to the people that have completed me for the past 7 years (or more, if you're reading this outside of Eastbourne...).
To the girls who made me laugh so much I genuinely considered buying stocks for Tena Lady, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You provided me with friendship, strength, laughter and love and gave me the perfect amount of all 4 things to keep my feet on the ground and my heart is completely your's for that. Thank you for letting me write essays in every single birthday/Christmas card, thank you for telling me when my hair/make-up/clothes looked stupid and thank you for indulging me with the 'Gangsta Nun' fancy dress. I have no idea how you coped with all my silly phases, but that's something that makes you superhuman in my eyes. Thank you for being there for me throughout every single silly mistake I made, thank you for inspiring me on a daily basis and thank you for being the best friend's a girl could possibly ask for. Not a day goes past that I'm not reminded just how brilliant you all are and I'm so incredibly proud of us all for getting this far. I wish I could say more but I have a reputation to uphold (*cue laughter here*) and I'm getting too emotional for my own liking right now. Oh, I've just realised I've forgotten the biggest thing: THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH for putting up with my Mum. It takes somebody extraordinary to cope with her and her ways, but you guys succeeded. She's also just told me that if you ever want cake/pie/crumble/food in general, she's your girl. She expects you all to be shotting sambuca with her at my 40th birthday party (I promise not to pass out this time...).
One last thing: wherever you are in the world whether it be China, Africa, London or Eastbourne, just know that I'll always have your backs. You all rock my world so bloomin' hard and if anything, I think it's time that the rest of the population got to experience a little piece of you. Let's be honest, I've been selfish...it's time you spread you wings, I can't keep you forever.
xxxxxx
I don't understand why they're half naked either but it seemed right to go out with the cheesy factor.
