9pm walks through London, getting lost
because I can't read the map on my phone and ending up having to ask the
bouncer of a private club for directions. Tonight was what dreams are made of.
Nobody has any idea what I've just been a part of, unless they were with me,
but it's the nicest feeling in the world knowing that nobody knows why I'm
happy but the smile on my face is making a complete stranger smile. Seeing
couples kissing in Oxford Street doesn't make me cringe, it makes me laugh
because I've never loved somebody so much that I'd kiss them so openly in the
street like that. I have just re-discovered my first love and it's the most
beautiful feeling in the world but it's writing and you can't kiss writing in
the middle of the street. I would if you could though.
I had
conversations with my heroes and smoked a cigarette with the writer I most want
to be like. And the writer I get told I am most like. I told them all about
IAmMusic.tv and they laughed because they said everyone wants to change the
world but only really determined people do. So I said that I eat determination
for breakfast and they smiled, I think because they saw my eyes flash when they
questioned my ambitions. Nothing bad happened though and we continued laughing
and smoking until it became too cold to do anything but go inside and continue
drinking really expensive cocktails that we were getting for free.
And then lots of
people said I write really well and even though I didn't necessarily believe
them all, I've got a spring in my step because I've wanted this for a really
long time and it feels like tonight, I've finally got it. And I actually sort
of deserve it. There's a part of me that thinks I've just got lucky but the
other part is telling me that this is what I've been working towards ever since
I was 7 when J.K Rowling was my hero.
So I walk towards
a bar in Tottenham Court Road and I'm crying on the phone to my Mum, which
never happens and she laughs and tells me off for smoking but is secretly
really happy that I did because otherwise I would never have had the
conversations that are making me smile and cry at the same time. I walk into
the place and the barlady leads me upstairs to the 'Members Only' area and see
one of my soulmates. I don't think soulmates should be limited to romantic entanglements,
I think they can be anybody you connect with more so than anybody else,
somebody who understands why I'm smiling when Alanis Morissette starts playing
in this bar. Because nobody ever plays Alanis Morissette anymore, and it feels
like it's being played especially for me because tonight is really special. And
then we talk about music and drink red wine until lips turn purple and the
music becomes louder because downstairs has just turned into a nightclub. For
once I don't want to party, and meet boys who say things like "I like you
because you're never going to fall in love with me. This is just a one night
thing and we both know it, right? I like that about you because you don't want
to stay around in the morning." I just want to revel in the fact that
tonight has been amazing and I've hung out with pretty much every single person
who I look up to and if I haven't hung out with them, I've e-mailed them.
Driving across
London, with the lights illuminating the water and realising that
there is literally nothing holding me back anymore. I have e-mail addresses
belonging to every single one of my heroes now and if I want to e-mail them to
say hi, I can.
Then eating
lasagne and drinking tea, nothing making sense because all I can think about is
how tonight was just the beginning and I'm surrounded by every single person I
imagine 'living the dream' with. I don't think a night will ever be as surreal
as this. I'm glad. I'm not even drunk, just a tiny bit tipsy and for once, I
don't mind because I don't want to forget this night, ever. I don't want to
wake up in the morning with a hangover and cringe as I remember drunkenly
telling somebody I shouldn't that I love them and waking up next to somebody I
don't even know the name of. I just want to stay in this night forever, sat on
the sofa of one of my heroes talking about how life really is beautiful
sometimes.
