Thursday, 5 July 2012
That I would be good whether with or without you
Since moving to London, I've learnt a lot. I've learnt the skills of a new job, I've learnt how self destructive my mind really is, I've learnt how to change that, I've learnt when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak up, I've learnt that exercise really is good for you, I've learnt that being vulnerable isn't necessarily a bad thing, I've learnt that I still have a long way to go, I've learnt how to manage my money (kind of), I've learnt to broaden my horizons when it comes to music, I've learnt that sometimes people just need to talk, I've learnt that I'm excellent at hiding things and keeping secrets, I've learnt that making coffee is a skill of which I've practically perfected, I've learnt how to eat at my desk without my manager seeing it, I've learnt how to deal with certain people and most importantly, I've learnt exactly who to waste my time with.
I'll be the first person to admit that at times, I can be stupidly naive. The minute somebody pays me the slightest bit of attention, I'm their's. I've always thought that everyone has the ability to be nice and thoughtful and caring and lovely. I've allowed myself to be sucked in by that thought; I'm now realising that this really isn't the case.
I've met 4 people here who have changed my world for the better, really and truly. They're another blog post entirely but they've opened my eyes properly to the world around me.
I'm learning, slowly, but surely about who really matters, who truly cares and who I can live without. It's a horrible process but one I'm learning from, constantly.
It's the people who text you at 7am in the morning just to say "have a good day", the people who know exactly what to do and what to say when you're feeling a bit down, the texts saying "you're doing great babe" when you need a little bit of reassurance, the random messages and phone calls reminding you that you're loved, albeit if it is by your Mum, the invitations, the people who arrange events just to give you something to look forward to, the people who brighten your day the moment their name flashes up on your phone, the ones who put you first, the ones who ask if you're okay, the people who will listen to you moaning and make you fajitas for no reason. These people matter.
I've been naive in the sense that the people I've thought, for so long, would be there for me when things got a little tough, are the ones who haven't. Yet I've still held a torch for them. I've made excuses and tried to come up with reasons as to why things have changed but there's no right or wrong; people change and the most you can do is accept it.
Accept it, appreciate those that do all the above and understand that sometimes, people come into your life for fleeting moments to teach you little lessons. Nothing is forever and it doesn't have to be. Friendship is sacred regardless of how long it lasts.
I'm getting there when it comes to learning this. I'll get there.