Thursday, 11 August 2011

Am I the only person not hanging a pillowcase from my head?

Ever since we were old enough to understand just how important the day would be, young girls all over the world have been planning their wedding day:

"Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. That’s what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake with the little people on top. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was."  - Monica Geller, Friends.

I understand why this is; your wedding day is supposed to be the biggest, most important day of your life and obviously every little girl wants to feel like a princess as they walk down the aisle. One little slip up and the day can go from perfection to catastrophe in under 60 seconds and suddenly your wedding day has turned into the day you fell down the aisle/fell into the cake/had one to many glasses of champagne and ended up kissing the best man.
What I don't understand though is why girls who haven't spent their teenage years subscribing to bridal magazines, hunting down the perfect baker who will produce their 7 tier chocolate and vanilla, with champagne frosting, cake and rejecting any man who doesn't automatically tick every single one of their boxes are then supposed to feel awful when they don't have a instant answer to the question "what song are you planning to dance to for your first song?" (NEVER reply with 'Smack My Bitch Up - The Prodigy' - the disgusted looks you will inevitably get just aren't worth your 5 seconds of humour.)

I'm lucky that my parents brought me up allowing me to make my own decisions and form my own opinions, which I believe helped hugely when, at age 6, I declared I was never getting married and instead I was going to join the circus. 12 years later, my Mum still stares longingly at the 'Mother of the Bride' hats everytime I rush her past a bridal store.

I've held this opinion (I dropped the circus idea about 6 months later, when I decided I wanted to become a brain surgeon instead) on marriage ever since. At 18, the idea of somebody proposing to me is almost cringeworthy but lately I've been unable to sleep, worrying that it could happen any day now (it's just finding somebody to propose to me which is the hard part...).
I signed onto Facebook the other day to see three, YES THREE couples, the same age as me, declaring their engagement for the social world to see. How did he propose, over a Happy Meal?! Did he get down on one knee in the middle of a nightclub floor?!

Is it just me who wants to go out, flirt a little bit and come home to a double bed that I can stretch out in without worrying about hitting somebody else when I roll over? Don't get me wrong, I like being in a relationship. I like having somebody to hug when things get a bit too much, I like having somebody to drag to a screening of the latest chick flick and I like being taken out for dinner and sharing dessert with somebody (as long as they don't actually eat any) but having that permanantly and an engagement ring on my finger freaks the funk out of me. Yet when I admit to this, people look at me like I'm ill.
When I go to a wedding, I'm instantly surrounded by middle aged women telling me not to go for a veil because I don't have the face shape for it. I'm fed of having to pretend to be interested in the table place settings and who designed the bride's dress when all I really want to do is just demolish the wedding cake.

Now excuse me from subscribing to as many bridal magazines as I possibly can because I'm still waiting to find somebody who will oblige to dancing to 'Smack My Bitch Up'.


  1. I actually would like to test the 5 minutes of humour out one day! haha

  2. 5 seconds! My bad ':) I think i could pull 5 minutes off though. Just you wait!