Monday, 5 March 2012

Nothing but butterflies.

I'm about to write something which will come of no surprise to any of you reading this but bare with me. Sometimes, relationships/friendships/sexual arrangements end.
I don't mean to be depressing but we all know that these things rarely last forever. Obviously there are exceptions; the couple I see everyday, walking their dog, that have been together for 72 years, the friendship between Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda and the unconditional love between parent and child.

Right now though, I'm talking about the disintegration that can happen with relationships and sexual arrangements. Relationship breakdown is probably the reason Ben & Jerry's has become so popular and Adele has a lot of heartbroken girls (I'm being stereotypical here) to thank for her album sales. In my opinion, whether you're in a 4 year relationship or just having sex on a Thursday night when there's nothing to watch on television, the breakdown of the situation is still going to be distressing. You let your heart get involved, of course there are going to be tears.

The minute you stop thinking you'd tread water forever for the person you're in a relationship with, you have two choices:
a) you put on your arm bands, work really bloody hard at staying afloat and hope that things get better.
b) or you make a decision to end things there and then.

I'm a big fan of A. Mainly because I don't like admitting defeat but also because I don't like things ending. I cried when e4 announced they'd no longer be broadcasting Gilmore Girls everyday and when Creme Eggs stop being sold after Easter, I'm an emotional wreck for weeks.
Saying that, I wish I had the balls to choose option B. I have a lot of respect for people who can walk away from something the minute things turn a bit shit because I think it takes guts and huge amounts of courage to be that abrupt.

There are obviously negatives to both options (heartbreak, emotional breakdowns, stress etc) but if something isn't meant to be, you can't force it. You move on, find somebody else to fuck and (hopefully) have mind blowing orgasms until you're back to square one and crying over the fact it's becoming more and more apparent you're going to die alone in a huge house overrun with cats and empty vodka bottles.

In the past few weeks, I've seen the breakdown of a friendship, a sexual arrangement and a (kind of) relationship. But I'm refusing to be bitter. I wish nothing but happiness to all 3 of those people and I hope that, within time, they find exactly what it is they're looking for. Sure, it upsets me that I'm not capable of possessing every single quality that they're looking for within a person but it also encourages me to find people who can happily accept me for me. Flaws included.
When I say I refuse to be bitter, I don't mean I'm going to stop listening to Adele's album, eating ridiculous amounts of chocolate cake and complaining to my friends about the situation. But between all of that, I'm also smiling because I shared some amazing memories with those people, laughing because of private jokes between us and getting hot under the collar when I think of certain *events* that took place under the privacy of bedrooms (or in the publicity of outdoor locations...oops).

I'm not casting voodoo spells or praying that these people accidentally get hit by something that could potentially cause them facial damage. Of course I'm secretly hoping that they might get contract cold sores overnight or something that doesn't cause them any long term damage, but I'm trying my very best to remain dignified.

Because in the end, all you can really ask of them is that they wish the best for you. Of course, it has to be mutual. You hope that they eventually find whatever it was that you couldn't give them and in turn, they wish that you find the relationship you've been searching for. You know the one: it includes the apartment overlooking Tower Bridge, the really hot sex you can never have too much of and a record collection that fills one room.
In the words of Carrie Bradshaw "never settle for anything less than butterflies."

So that's what you do. You wish nothing but butterflies for each other.


  1. You bloody beaut. This is basically my worst fear: any form of relationship, no matter how frivolous and meaningless, ending. I find it hard to enjoy the good times because I know someday they will end.
    Also, the last couple of paragraphs are indisputable proof that you are a better person than me; I could never wish "nothing but happiness" for anyone unless I had the help of Jack Daniels and possibly a fuck buddy already lined up...

    Long story short, I LOVE YOU. x
    PS: I definitely cried like a baby when they stopped showing Gilmore Girls on e4.

    1. You're so silly. I'm definitely not a 'better' person than you, I'm just less bitter ;) no, no seriously - it's not about being a better person because you'll get to this point sooner or later. YOU'RE brilliant but I'm just so fed up with being bitter and crying into pints of vodka that it feels natural now to only want the best for them. I guess because I hope they'd want exactly the same for me, it's easier to wish good things on them. I don't want them wishing bad things for me :) xxx
      p.s LOVE you too x
      SO glad I'm not the only one about Gilmore Girls ;)

  2. Big Love for this post. That is all I can say. x

    1. Oh really? Do you really like it? Thanks so much! x

  3. I love your style and your thoughts you so beautifully convey to your readers. I stood by that Carrie quote until I met my husband Chris but I did most certainly go through all of those emotions and roller coasters we encounter before he came along.
    keep writing x

    1. Soulmates, obviously :) thank you for this comment - really sweet! xx

  4. Babe, you encapsulate the feelings of a generation, and the generation before them, I say 'Never Settle period.' Life is not about settling, its about adventure, love, passion and living! Big love fellow Nut :D xxx

    Anon ;)

    1. AWWWW. Thanks for this, it's really nice! You can still settle, when you find the right person obviously, but you should always make sure you're constantly living. The minute you lose passion, the minute you may as well give up! Lovelovelove xxx

  5. oh wow... that actually made me stop and thing for a bit...
    I've always supported option A... but over the past 2 years have had to go with option 2 3 times just to keep me sane... Not that I am claiming I am sane... but hey... ;-)
    did love your post honey and wish you all the good things in the world... including the butterflies! ;-)