Let me just clear this up: I LOVE MEN. I'm a big fan of their delicious smelling aftershaves, the way they're usually taller than me and their ability to transport me from reality to fantasy within a blink of an eye. I'd love to say that the latter is some sort of sexual reference, but fortunately for you guys (unfortunately for me), it isn't. What I'm talking about is something that sparked off a very interesting conversation with one of my best girlfriend's and what's left me feeling a little disheartened.

Earlier today, I sat down with Kath and like it does between most 18+ year old's, the conversation quickly turned to the opposite sex. We spoke about being swept off our feet, the butterflies you get when you meet somebody you can't imagine living without (and the caterpillars that come when you meet somebody you'd rather live without) and the words, the promises, the "I can't live without you" and "you're so perfect for me". We shamelessly admitted that we've both fallen for all of the things mentioned above and we both cringed when we realised that we'd both been taken for absolute mugs. "I can't live without you" - really? Where are you now then?
Don't get me wrong, I realise I'm 18 and the last thing I expect is a full blown romance, but I sort of expected these things to last until I'm at least dressed.

This conversation not only made me realise I should probably re-consider who I believe after a glass (or 4) of wine, but that I'm not the only one to fall for such words. I've watched every episode of Sex and the City and I've seen those 4 women bitch about men and their incapabilities until they're blue in the face but it never occured to me that I'd be in the same boat as them.
My Mum definitely didn't warn me that one day, I'd fall for somebody telling me I was their everything. Not going to lie, I don't think she thought it'd ever happen, she's seen me in the morning, and I don't think anything can ease the pain of realising you've fallen for a lie. I mean, carrying around that kind of title is lovely - imagine introducing yourself to people as "Hi, I'm Vicky and I'm XXX's everything" - but when you realise that besides you, this dude also has a fiancee and 2 kids..."everything" starts to lose it's meaning.

It took about 20 minutes of Kath using calming words, 2 cups of very strong tea and lots of chocolate to stop me from hysterically crying; not because I realised that I'd fallen for the most common lie (Kath and I googled it) but because how would I know who and what to trust in the future?

Men say that women are emotional, clingy and hormonal but have they ever stopped to think that maybe, it's because of them that we can be like that? I'm not trying to generalise or tarnish every fella with the same brush, because I realise that there are some lovely ones out there and I apologise to every single one of my ex's who brought me nothing but happiness, but I swear on John Lennon's grave that if I receive another text saying "PMT?" from a guy, I will happily throw my phone in their face.

I'm not expecting every lovely word somebody says to me to be a promise, heck I'm not even expecting these words to be said. But if they are going to be uttered, I beg that the promises last longer than the time it takes for you to rip my clothes off.

Please don't judge me on my music taste, I'm emotional and drunk...

Yesterday was E-M-O-T-I-O-N-A-L, to say the least. I said a proper 'it's not goodbye, it's just I'll see you later' too a group of friend's disappearing off to University and while it was a really lovely day, I can't help but get upset. As listed in one of my previous blogs, I'm actually really proud of them all for getting into Uni but something about yesterday made their plans seem so much more final.

We spent the day eating (it's one of my favourite past-times), watching really rubbish films, singing our hearts out to cringey songs and drinking (because, now we're all 18, we feel it's necessary to whip our IDs out at any given moment). It was just one of those days where no matter who you bump into or what you look like, you're determined to have a good day. And a good day was definitely had.

But right now, I'm a bit lost. The majority of my friend's are now scattered around the country, I'm applying for every single job that I find advertised (I may or may not be exaggerating here...) and this town, which once felt small and suffocating, now feels huge and lonely. So when I got home last night, I did what most 18 year old girl's do when they need a comforting word; I switched on my iPod, plugged in my headphones, shut my curtains and fell asleep listening to one heck of a playlist. I woke up with it still playing and for some reason, I felt like I needed to share it with you guys...so, here's my "I-miss-my-friends-and-I'm-an-emotional-drunk" playlist, hope you enjoy:

Flaws - Bastille. This song holds possibly my favourite lyrics right now "when all of your flaws and all my flaws are laid out one by one, the wonderful part of the mess that we've made is that we pick ourselves undone."
Stay - Hurts. I re-discovered this song whilst watching 'Made in Chelsea' and I haven't been able to shake it from my head. It's got the right amount of emotion and just the right balance of cheesy lyrics you can sing your heart out too.
Lego House - Ed Sheeran. Ok, I'll admit it. I fancy Ed Sheeran. I'm not even ashamed. For this reason alone, this song is now one of my favourites, because in my head, Ed is singing it to me.
Hiding My Heart Away - Adele. I know it's a cover, but every emotional playlist HAS to have some Adele in, right?
Making Pies - Patty Griffin. The lyrics are just explaining this woman's favourite memories and it felt quite fitting given yesterday, but although it's definitely an acquired taste, it's such a good song. It makes me want to pick apples and start rolling out pastry...I don't get that feeling often!
RE: Stacks - Bon Iver. Ah, Bon Iver is a God in my eyes, so it was necessary to have one of his songs playing last night. I don't know what it is about this song that I love but it's just so haunting.
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman. This song reminds me of my 18th birthday (I don't remember a lot from that night either...) because I can just see a handful of my best friends, my family and other close friends all singing along to this. One of my favourite memories.

I guess that's about it, my emotional playlist is over. I know it's only short but it was midnight when I made it and the alcohol induced hyperactivity was quickly turning into tiredness. What I'm left wondering though is if I'm the only person crazy enough to find playlists like the one above quite cathartic? Do you guys have a favourite song that makes you feel 100x better in seconds? Let me know, 'cause I'd love to know which songs do it for you and why.

I hope you have all wonderful weekends, xxx

If this isn't an excuse to crack out the champagne, I don't know what is...

I'm not going to lie, I'm currently filled with a mixture of feelings that I can't quite explain. I've just been given my very first blog award and whilst I'm stupidly grateful, I'm also a bit shocked because I didn't actually realise anybody read my ramblings. The fact that there are a handful of crazy people out there willing to sit and read my blog fills me with huge amounts of joy, so thank you thank you thank you, you wonderful people.

The award I've received is the 'Tell Me About Yourself - Your Blog Is Great' award and although, it was given to me by a very close friend, I'd still like to believe it was kind of true...so, please let me just revel in this very self absorbed moment. It won't happen again, I promise.
I'd like to say a very big thank you to Kathy over at Geek marries Chic for awarding me with this and just a quick note to say I'll be round your's with the celebratory Dominoes and chocolate later xxx

The rules:
1) Thank and link back to the person who awarded you
2) Write 7 random things about yourself
3) Spread the love to 15 other bloggers

7 things about me:

1) I'm a serial "song-repeater" and I'll happily accept my crime. I become obsessed with a song every couple of weeks and refuse to play anything else until my ears are screaming at me to stop and I know every single lyric of the song in question.

2) I'd rather go to a music festival than go abroad. Wait, I know this is crazy and before you write me off as a looney tune, let me explain...every year for the past 3 years, I've gone to V Festival with a group of 20+ other crazies (this group includes my best friend of 16 years and the majority of her family (my 2nd family), other close friends and usually, a few randomers we pick up along the journey) and I've always had the best time of my life. There's nothing more exhilirating than standing on the barrier for your favourite band/singer, screaming along to your favourite song with a beer in your hand.

3) As mentioned above, I've known my best friend for 16 years. We see each other once every 2 months usually and we spend days catching up on Gilmore Girls, watching Foo Fighters documentaries and reminiscing about old times. I'll never forgive her for putting her foot in my face (I HATE feet) or breaking my favourite necklace at the age of 7, but she is definitely my missing puzzle piece.

She'll hate me for this ;)

4) Writing is probably my one and only passion in life, it's that simple. I feel on top of the world when I have a pen in hand and a pretty notebook to write in. I've wanted to turn this passion into a career for quite some time and I don't know if this makes me sad or very lucky because I've always known what I wanted to do.

5) I'm a really bad girl (not that in THAT sense!). Don't get me wrong, I love make-up and pretty things but I'm really bad with emotions and stereotypical 'girl' things. I don't like experimenting with my hair, unless I'm dying it green, orange, pink, red, purple...the list goes on, and my idea of hell is shopping. I don't even own a pair of hair straighteners...eeek.

6) I was lucky enough to meet my absolute hero through Twitter: Carrie Lloyd is my idol. If you have Twitter, I suggest you follow her because on a regular basis she inspires me to be brave, to push personal boundaries and to follow my dreams. She's also a Patron for an organisation called Big Pink Heart, for which she blogs for.

7) I've been told I have an old head on a young body. I love nothing more than a night-in with a cup of tea, a documentary on music in the 60s and a picture of John Lennon to stare at.

I've just read through my random facts and I realise what an absolute nut-case I sound. However, that's me ;) and this is now my list of bloggers, which I think you'll love:

Big Pink Hearts over at Big Pink Heart
Gracie over at I'm going nowhere and I'm going to take my time
Kath over at Geek marries Chic
Rachel over at No Social Boundaries
Ellie over at I Like Ginger Biscuits

(Ok, I don't know 15 bloggers because I am so new to this, but there's my top 5...sorry if I've broken the rules, but some rules are there to be broken.)

I'll let you in on a little secret:

I've spent the day desperately searching for job vacancies, apprenticeships, internships etc...anything that'll propel me into the 'real' world. I haven't got a clue what I'm supposed to be doing with my life right now and that's quite disturbing. I'm so used to having plans and options, it's actually really strange not knowing what to do with myself.

Facts #2



16/09/2011

I wore extensions for the first time ever on Friday. I'm in love with Ed Sheeran's album, still. I hate the taste of beer. I love partying in London. The majority of my friend's have all left for University and I refuse to even acknowledge it because I know I will cry like a massive girl. Burying my head in the sand is a favourite past time of mine. I've decided I'm going to put everything into writing as a career, it's all or nothing. Today is the last day I'll feel full for a week as I'm going to attempt the MasterCleanser. I love night buses. I hope everybody is having a lovely Sunday :) xx

"It's not goodbye, it's just see you later."



"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...there is something you must remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." - Winnie the Pooh.

When I first moved from London to my little coastal town, I was beside myself with worry.

In London, I had a secure friendship unit, I'd had the same best friend since I was 2 and I knew my weekends would be spent sat in the attic in a close friend's house, playing Mario Party 4 on the GameCube or having water fights with 5 other close friends. As an 11 year old, I thought I was sorted for life. That was until I moved 64 miles away.

My first weekend in this town was spent attempting to teach my dog how to bark the tune of 'Babycakes' - 3 of a Kind (it was number 1 during the month we moved, don't judge me) and my Mum tells me that I cried myself to sleep every night for a good month. I'm pretty sure she's lying though (she is definitely not lying).

I thought I had lost everything until I met the wonderful people this blog post is about. Suddenly, I had friends, I was being invited to places and my weekends were no longer spent following my parent's round the supermarket. Don't get me wrong, this didn't happen overnight. Trust me, I was never 'cool' (on my first day at my new school, I smashed myself in the face and knocked my glasses off whilst introducing myself) and I had a 'funny' accent. I was never the sort of person to have a queue of people begging to be my friend but eventually, a group of people stupid enough to think I was sort of funny took me under their wings and for that, I will always be grateful.

7 years on, having got through school and college coming out slightly frayed, battered and bruised, it's safe to say that the majority of us are still friends. Maybe not the best of friend's, but we're all civil and polite to each other. We're old enough now to look past silly mistakes and pathetic arguments to realise we went through a lot together. Friendship groups changed, people moved away and we all 'grew up'. It's now time to make the all important decisions that come with being an adult (well, 18...I mean, we might be able to vote but we're hardly 'grown ups').

Some of us are off to University, other's are looking for full time work and a couple of us are still at college. Regardless of our situations, we're all moving onto bigger and better things. We have choices that weren't avaliable without A Level results and we're all ready to mark our place in this crazy world.

2 days ago, I spent the day with 3 friends as a sort of 'final day' before we all go our seperate ways. We got tattoos, piercings and spent the night watching rubbish films and laughing about past years. It got me thinking that although we're moving on, it doesn't necessarily mean we have to move away from each other. Yes, friendship isn't forever, but sometimes you're just not strong enough to say goodbye.

I'm rubbish with goodbyes which is why I'm writing this; it's my 'ode' to the people that have completed me for the past 7 years (or more, if you're reading this outside of Eastbourne...).

To the girls who made me laugh so much I genuinely considered buying stocks for Tena Lady, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You provided me with friendship, strength, laughter and love and gave me the perfect amount of all 4 things to keep my feet on the ground and my heart is completely your's for that. Thank you for letting me write essays in every single birthday/Christmas card, thank you for telling me when my hair/make-up/clothes looked stupid and thank you for indulging me with the 'Gangsta Nun' fancy dress. I have no idea how you coped with all my silly phases, but that's something that makes you superhuman in my eyes. Thank you for being there for me throughout every single silly mistake I made, thank you for inspiring me on a daily basis and thank you for being the best friend's a girl could possibly ask for. Not a day goes past that I'm not reminded just how brilliant you all are and I'm so incredibly proud of us all for getting this far. I wish I could say more but I have a reputation to uphold (*cue laughter here*) and I'm getting too emotional for my own liking right now. Oh, I've just realised I've forgotten the biggest thing: THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH for putting up with my Mum. It takes somebody extraordinary to cope with her and her ways, but you guys succeeded. She's also just told me that if you ever want cake/pie/crumble/food in general, she's your girl. She expects you all to be shotting sambuca with her at my 40th birthday party (I promise not to pass out this time...).

One last thing: wherever you are in the world whether it be China, Africa, London or Eastbourne, just know that I'll always have your backs. You all rock my world so bloomin' hard and if anything, I think it's time that the rest of the population got to experience a little piece of you. Let's be honest, I've been selfish...it's time you spread you wings, I can't keep you forever.

xxxxxx

I don't understand why they're half naked either but it seemed right to go out with the cheesy factor.

CAKES :)

Having slept for basically half of the afternoon, I decided to embrace my inner baker and bake loads of little novelty cakes with the aim being that I'd take them to my friend's birthday gathering tonight. I mean, what goes better with drunken 18+ year old's than monkey cakes?

I was genuinely excited to get started as I love baking. Well, I love baking when my Mum makes amazing carrot cakes and apple sponges. The closest I am to being a Gizzi Erskine in the kitchen is that we share similar music taste and have a love for tattoos. However, I thought "screw it, I'm going to attempt to make these babies and if they come out wrong, I'll pretend they're supposed to look like this."

So, with this in mind, I introduce to you my 'Monkey with green eyes and triangle ears/pig with deformities cake"...I couldn't decide what they looked like more...

Monkey cakes :)

"Thanks for making me a fighter."

"'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through so I wanna say thank you." - Christina Aguilera (lyrics from 'Fighter')

Before I start this blog, I'd just like to say that I'm not perfect; I've said things in the heat of the moment that have actually been really hurtful, I've probably damaged somebody's confidence without giving it a second thought and I've hurt somebody's feelings without realising it. Words do have actions and although I'd like to be able to sit here and say that I've always been a completely innocent party, I can't. I'd be lying. However, I can honestly say that I have learnt from my mistakes. Now, I never say something without thinking about the consequences it might have on another person and I would never try to hurt somebody on purpose. I guess you could say, I've grown up.

I've had the experience of being both the bullied and part of the bullies. The latter I'm not exactly proud of and luckily, I realised before things got too advanced that I wasn't being very nice. I was never the instigator and I was NEVER violent but a few words came out of my mouth that probably shouldn't have and I regret that now. I've made my peace with the people I hurt and I've apologised. I'm not saying that makes everything ok, because it doesn't but it does make things a little lighter.

Being somebody who is quite open minded, I've had a lot of digs.

Like the time I dyed my hair orange; I thought it looked alright but the group of girls standing on the corner of my street shouting "get back in your biscuit tin, you ginger tw*t" clearly weren't the biggest fans of my hair. Another example would be the group of girls that decided it would be fun to mock me endlessly for having glasses at the age of 7. They turned friends against me, made me scared to go to school and even made me question my appearance. At the age of 7. There's something that just doesn't sit right with me about that, 11 years on.

I've been called "fat", I've had stuff thrown at me and I've been terrified to leave my house at one stage. Throughout all of this, I always thought the problem was me. That I had done something wrong to be called horrible names and left out of plans. But really, looking back on things, I realise that the issue was always with the person doing the bullying. It's always about their insecurities, their issues with them self. I can safely say that I certainly had my own issues when I was part of a group making other's feel bad about the way they looked.

Bullying has always been an issue, it's just never always been addressed properly. You hear advice like "hit back twice as hard", "ignore it" and "don't let it get to you", but all of this is simply ignoring the matter at hand. It doesn't sit down with the person being bullied and let them talk about how they feel, it just teaches them that two wrongs supposedly make a right.

The reason why I'm writing this isn't to make myself feel better for past mistakes or to brag about how much I've 'matured', it's merely to raise a point.

There are so many children, and adults, out there being bullied for one reason or another and I understand that schools, teachers, parents etc are all trying to help but what difference would it make if WE tried to help too?

Take 5 minutes out of your busy day, maybe miss a little bit of Eastenders or skip that 2nd glass of wine and please, please, please check out this website: http://www.beatbullying.org/.

Everybody involved with this amazing organisation focuses on helping the bullied regain their confidence and find their feet in this crazy world after having their confidence shattered. Not only do they work with the bullied, but they also work with the bullies. They focus on getting them to take ownership of their actions and take responsibility. For them, it's all about changing attitudes.

A good buddy and fellow blogger of mine, Geek marries Chic, has also recently blogged about this wonderful organisation and that's what got me thinking. Part of beatbullying's work is a scheme called CyberMentors which focuses on young people helping other youngsters (whether they're the bullied or the bullies, it doesn't matter; anybody can ask for help/advice) overcome the bullying. What made me feel so inspired by the scheme is that anybody can help. It takes 2 minutes to sign up, you wait for an e-mail accepting your application and then BOOM, you're free to act as a cyber shoulder for these kids to cry on and talk too.

What I'm asking for is that you, reading this blog, take that into consideration. Spending 2 minutes filling out an online application form could change somebody's life. It's a small amount of time, but it could potentially make a huge difference to a child's soul.

So this weekend, while you're out with your friends having fun, please think of those children that can't do the same due to lack of confidence, lack of friends etc. If you have a spare few minutes, why not sign yourself up? If there's one thing you do this weekend, please make it that.

That's enough preaching from me, I have an online application form to fill in.

Cybermentors - here's the link to the Cybermentors website. It'll give you all the information that you need to know and there's that all important application form too...

One night to be confused...

Recently, I've been thinking more and more about the 'stereotypical differences' between men and women; men prefer jokey conversations, women are all about emotions. Men fantasise about a hot blonde in a schoolgirl's uniform for 16 hours of the day (the other 8 are spent sleeping), women imagine themselves cosied upto Johnny Depp, talking about philosophy and music. When arguing, as soon as the word 'fuck' is mentioned, men go back to thinking about that hot blonde within seconds whereas women can carry on their nagging for days.
One difference that has refused to leave my mind though is the difference in opinions that men/women share on one night stands:

"A guy gets all the glory the more he can score, while the girl can do the same and you call her a whore." - Christina Aguilera

It's always been the stereotypical tag attached to men that they LOVE one night stands. It's a night full of passion, you don't have to get the girl's name (unless your a gentleman) and the idea of asking for her number is ridiculous. With this, it's always been said that one night stands make women feel exploited, cheap and dirty.
But in this day and age where pretty much everything is considered normal (not even lying, yesterday I saw a man walking around Brighton town centre in chains. Nothing else. Just chains, strategically placed, thank God), women's feelings towards one night flings are apparently changing.

Yesterday night, I sat down with one of my friend's, who had just spent the night with a guy she really liked and gave her this speech: "Babe, why are you worried about it? Guys do this kind of things ALL the time. You spent the night with this guy, you had fun, you felt hot and it was the perfect end to a crazy night. Guys come away from these things bragging to their friends so why can't us chicks?"
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't suggesting she go out every night and sleep with any random chap, but is it really such a bad thing? Men are *allowed*, expected even, to walk away from night's like that and feel nothing. Why is it so bad that a girl do the same?

You hear all sorts of horror stories about one night stands: STI's, tragic phonecalls the next day confessing undying love, unplanned pregnancies (definitely on a different par to the undying love thing, don't get me wrong) and I get all of that; they're not exactly the most pleasant thing. But for one night, you get to lose your insecurities/inhibitions, have a total laugh with a stranger (in some cases, not a total stranger) and enjoy yourself.
I don't like that those 3 things are supposed to be left to the fellas whilst the girl cries in a corner, feeling guilty and hating herself. It's too old fashioned for my liking.

So girls, let's leave the guilty tears, the negative feelings and the drama behind. Don't make a habit out of it, but enjoy yourself for one night.
I mean, if Example can walk away feeling nothing but fond memories, then why can't us girls?

 "Miss Whatever-Your-Name-Was...still though, that was one night to remember"

Blog inspiration

Being new to the whole blog scene, I have no idea what I'm really doing except trying to write things that people will find interesting. However, one of my 'blog heroes' happens to be one of my good pals and I've been scrolling through her blog trying to conjure up some entertaining ideas knowing that she won't mind me pinching them.

Every month, my buddy @beautblues (for those of you on Twitter) updates her blog with a little paragraph containing random facts about what she likes, what she's into, how she feels at that current moment in time. I LOVE this idea as I think it gives anybody reading this (HIYYYAAA) a little idea as to what I'm actually like.

Facts

My name's Vicky; Victoria when my Mum has discovered my antics from over the weekend, Vick if I really like you. I can't decide what colour to dye my hair. I'm contemplating shaving half of it off again. I really wish I looked like Anna Karina. One Day is my favourite book/film. Ed Sheeran makes my knickers fizz. I have the biggest girl crush on Gizzi Erskine. I like somebody who is completely unavaliable. I hate girls who like guys who are unavaliable. I wish I was going to University. I'm completely in love with anybody who follows me on Twitter. My favourite drink is hot blackcurrant and lemon, but that's probably because I'm ill. I want to play Scrabble. I have enormous amounts of love for anybody reading this and this song has been on repeat for 2 hours:

For those of you wondering who my friend is, her blog is here: I'm going nowhere and I'm going to take my time :) I urge you to check it out, not only because she's a buddy but because it's a pretty amazing blog. Of course I'm bias but one post made me cry and that's totally worth an 'amazing' label.

Today will be a good day...

             I'll make sure of it.